my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
