What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
