so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
