Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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