I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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