why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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