i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
