I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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