I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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