I just cut my nipple shaving
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize