Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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