So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I just googled if crying burns calories
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
