I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
