I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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