dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
