You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
