Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
