i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
COCAINE IS GR8
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
