You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
