What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I would ride that face into the sunset
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
