Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
