Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
