Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
