every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
