you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
