you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
