she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize