Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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