You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
