after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
