I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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