They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
