Have you finally orgasmed yet?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize