he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
