mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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