I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
