last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
she pinky promised me she was 18
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
