The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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