It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
