My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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