I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
