You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
