im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
oh god was she eating orange peels again
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He has the fingertips of a God
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
