You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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