a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
