Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You're a waste of cheezeits
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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