I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
