Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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