So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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