i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
