you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
We have started to decorate penises.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
