Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Randomize
