Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize