so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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