She is in my trunk
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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