Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You can't just leave with hair like that
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
