my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
