I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
